Pillar 1
Stories over facts
A fact gives you one line and a pause. A story gives you details to follow, so the next question writes itself.
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Vanessa Van Edwards · 2026 · Portfolio
Conversation
How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count
Most conversations stall on a fact. This book is about asking for the story instead, then going one level deeper at a time.
3levels of question, facts to meaning
9power questions, three per level
5self-stories to listen for
320pages, out October 2026
The core idea
Facts end conversations. Stories keep them going.
Vanessa Van Edwards, the behaviour researcher behind Science of People, follows Captivate and Cues with a practical guide to talking with people: breaking the ice, keeping a conversation going, asking better questions, changing the subject and leaving well. Its spine is a set of nine power questions across three levels, from the facts of someone's life, to what they want and worry about, to the story they tell about who they are. It also covers personality patterns, being assertive without losing yourself, and scripts for moments like asking for a raise or setting a boundary.
Her last book, Cues, was about the signals you send before you say a word. This one is about the words. The idea that runs through it is that questions come in three levels. The first is the facts of someone's life. The second is what they want and what worries them. The third is the story they tell about who they are.
Good conversations move down those levels one step at a time, and only as fast as the other person is willing to go. Skip a level and it feels like an interview. Stay on the first and you end up talking about the weather. The drill below lets you practise the steps.
Pillar 2
One level at a time
Facts, then values, then meaning. Each level is earned at the one above, and the other person sets the pace.
Pillar 3
Interested, then interesting
Hand the turn back. Leave knowing what the other person cares about, and they will remember you as good company.
Interactive · the opener drill
Pick a room. Practise going deeper.
Choose where you are. You get a story question to open with, then three replies to answer, one per level. Pick the follow-up that goes one step deeper. At the end you keep a card for that room, in your own words.
2 · Open with a story question
Instead of So, what team are you on?
What's been the best part of your week so far?
1 of 3
3 · Follow them down
- Level 1FactsGeneral traits
- Level 2ValuesPersonal concerns
- Level 3MeaningSelf-narrative
They say
Which follow-up goes one level deeper?
Your conversation card
Work event
Edit any line until it sounds like you. Your edits stay in this browser.
Every line in the drill is HourLife's practice material, written to the book's three levels. None of it is quoted from the book. Nothing you type leaves this browser.
Concept anatomy
Three levels, nine questions.
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1Level
FactsGeneral traits
What they do, what they are planning, what they are into. Easy to answer, and the place every conversation starts.
Ask for the story behind a fact.
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2Level
ValuesPersonal concerns
What they want, what they are learning, what keeps them up at night. Reached once the first level has gone well.
When they share a goal, help them build it.
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3Level
MeaningSelf-narrative
The story they tell about who they are and how their life is going. Kept for people and moments that have earned it.
Follow the story they offer. Never force it.
The book gives three power questions for each level, nine in all. Go down a level when someone gives you more than you asked for. Stay where you are when the answers get shorter.
Five stories people tell
At the third level, the book sketches five self-stories. Knowing which one you are hearing helps you choose how to respond.
- 01Ambitious heroAlways chasing the next win.
- 02Contented pragmatistHappy with a steady, good-enough life.
- 03Selfless helperDefined by looking after others.
- 04Creative disruptorHere to question how things are done.
- 05Unlucky strugglerFeels stuck, and that life keeps happening to them.
Four ways to leave well
Ending a conversation is part of the conversation. A clear, warm exit lets you move on without damaging the relationship.
- 01A future cueName the next time, or the next thing: how the launch goes, the coffee next week.
- 02A sincere complimentSay what you enjoyed about talking to them, and mean it.
- 03A clear next stepOffer the article, the intro or the number, then follow through.
- 04A closing toneLet your voice, and a small step back, signal that you are wrapping up.
Community insights
What readers take into the room.
Nº 01HourLife takeaway
Ask for a story, not a fact.
Autopilot questions like what someone does for work tend to get a one-line answer and a dead end. Asking about the best part of their day, their plans or what they are excited about invites a story, and a story gives you something to follow.
Nº 02HourLife takeaway
Go one level deeper at a time.
The book sorts questions into three levels: the facts of someone's life, what they want and worry about, and the story they tell about who they are. Each step down is earned at the one above. Jumping straight to the deepest question feels like an interview.
Nº 03HourLife takeaway
Be interested before you try to be interesting.
A good test after any conversation: could you name one thing the other person cares about? If you could not, you probably did most of the talking.
Nº 04HourLife takeaway
When someone shares a goal, help them build it.
The second level is goals, learning and worries. The book calls the encouraging response dream building. Ask more about the goal before you point out the risks or offer advice.
Nº 05HourLife takeaway
The story people tell about their life shapes how they act.
The third level is self-narrative. Someone who tells a comeback story behaves differently from someone who feels life keeps happening to them. Listening for which story you are hearing tells you how to respond.
Nº 06HourLife takeaway
A sideways question can open people up more than a direct one.
Asked to describe themselves, many people freeze. Asked which character in a book or film they are most like, they get a playful way in, and you still learn how they see themselves.
Nº 07HourLife takeaway
Match the energy you are given.
Mirroring someone's tone, warmth and enthusiasm tells them you are on the same page. Start where they are, then move the conversation where you want it to go.
Nº 08HourLife takeaway
A conversation is a game of catch.
Take a turn, then hand it back. A long story, even a good one, leaves the other person standing with nothing to do.
Nº 09HourLife takeaway
Leaving well is part of the skill.
End on a plan, a sincere compliment or a clear next step, in a voice that signals you are wrapping up. People remember the end of a conversation, so make it warm rather than awkward.
Action steps
Prepare once, then practise in every chat.
Before your next event
Retire one autopilot question
Pick the question you ask most out of habit, such as what someone does or how their weekend was. Write down the story-inviting question you will ask instead, and use it at your next event.
Rewrite your answer to the question you get most
Write a two-sentence answer to what you do, or whatever people ask you most, that includes a small story or something surprising instead of a job title alone.
Write three follow-ups for your next event
Look at the next gathering on your calendar. Write one facts question, one values question and one meaning question for it, and keep them in your phone's notes.
Choose your exit line before you arrive
Pick one sentence that ends a conversation warmly, such as naming a next step or something you enjoyed hearing about. Having it ready makes it easier to move on without drifting.
List three people you only know at level one
Write down three people you see often but only know the facts about: a colleague, a neighbour, another parent. Next time you see each one, ask one question from the second level.
In every conversation
Turn one fact into a story each day
When someone tells you a fact, like a new job or a dog's name, ask how it happened or why they chose it. Do it once a day.
Check what you learned on the way out
After each conversation, name one thing the other person cares about. If you cannot, ask more and talk less in the next one.
Ask two questions before you give advice
When someone mentions a goal or a plan, ask two more questions about it before you say what you would do.
Match for the first minute
At the start of each conversation, match the other person's pace and energy for about a minute before you steer it anywhere.
Ask for the story, then go one level deeper.HourLife note after Vanessa Van Edwards Back to the library
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Frequently asked
What is Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count about?
Vanessa Van Edwards, the behaviour researcher behind Science of People, follows Captivate and Cues with a practical guide to talking with people: breaking the ice, keeping a conversation going, asking better questions, changing the subject and leaving well. Its spine is a set of nine power questions across three levels, from the facts of someone's life, to what they want and worry about, to the story they tell...
What are the key takeaways from Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count?
HourLife’s key takeaways include: “Ask for a story, not a fact.” “Go one level deeper at a time.” “Be interested before you try to be interesting.”
Who should read Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count?
It's a strong pick for readers exploring Better Conversations, Better Life and The Art of Small Talk. HourLife distills its core idea into key insights and practical actions worth trying.
What's one thing I can do after reading Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count?
Retire one autopilot question — Pick the question you ask most out of habit, such as what someone does or how their weekend was. Write down the story-inviting question you will ask instead, and use it at your next event.
How long does it take to read the Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count summary?
About five minutes. The HourLife summary distills Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count into its core idea, 9 community insights, and 9 practical actions you can apply right away.
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