The reader's edition
Kick Ass with Mel Robbins: Life-Changing Advice from the Author of “The 5 Second Rule”: the summary
Kick Ass with Mel Robbins is an Audible Original, released in May 2018 and made only in audio. Robbins, the author of The 5 Second Rule, narrates it herself and runs it like a talk show without a studio audience: eight people came to Boston for a private coaching session with her, and each session is followed by her breakdown of how the lesson applies to the listener. The problems range from putting things off and drinking to weight, love and worrying about what other people think. Across the sessions she works the same way: find the real issue under the stated one, trace it back to what happened earlier in the person's life, have them own it, then give them simple tools such as if-then plans and a name for their inner critic. The sessions are raw, sometimes funny and sometimes hard to hear, and they contain adult language. Read a chapter at a time, with a printable action book at the end.
- Mel Robbins
- 2018
- 4 chapters
- 5 min read
- 9 takeaways
This is HourLife's reading of Kick Ass with Mel Robbins: Life-Changing Advice from the Author of “The 5 Second Rule”, in our own words. It is not a substitute for the book.
Chapter 01
Before you start
The book in a minute
Tap a paragraph to highlight it. Turn pages with the arrows, the arrow keys, or a swipe.
Kick Ass with Mel Robbins is an Audible Original, released in May 2018 and made only in audio. Robbins, the author of The 5 Second Rule, narrates it herself and runs it like a talk show without a studio audience: eight people came to Boston for a private coaching session with her, and each session is followed by her breakdown of how the lesson applies to the listener. The problems range from putting things off and drinking to weight, love and worrying about what other people think. Across the sessions she works the same way: find the real issue under the stated one, trace it back to what happened earlier in the person's life, have them own it, then give them simple tools such as if-then plans and a name for their inner critic. The sessions are raw, sometimes funny and sometimes hard to hear, and they contain adult language.
Below are the 9 ideas HourLife readers vote up most, each in our words with a note on what it asks of you, and then the steps that put them to work.
Chapter 02
What readers keep
The takeaways
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1
HourLife takeaway
Putting things off is a way of relieving stress, not proof that you are lazy.
In the procrastination session Robbins stops treating the problem as a matter of scheduling and goes looking for the stress underneath it. Delay buys a moment of relief from that stress. Planners and timers won't stick until you deal with what the delay is helping you avoid.
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2
HourLife takeaway
A problem you have fought for years without fixing may be doing a job for you.
When someone has tried and failed at the same change for a long time, Robbins asks a blunt question: do you actually want to fix it? A problem can become an excuse, a source of sympathy or a way to avoid responsibility. Seeing the payoff is what makes it possible to give it up.
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3
HourLife takeaway
Ask what happened to you, not what is wrong with you.
Several sessions trace an adult habit back to a strategy the person learned as a child to get through something painful. The strategy made sense then and still runs now. Changing the question from a judgement to a history makes the pattern easier to look at without shame.
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4
HourLife takeaway
Name the chapter you are stuck in, then name the one you are walking into.
Robbins has clients give their old pattern and their new direction a title, like chapters in a book. It sounds small, but it turns a vague wish to change into a clear before and after. Owning the old chapter is part of the deal: you cannot close one you won't admit you wrote.
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5
HourLife takeaway
Give your inner critic a name and a ridiculous voice, and it loses its grip.
One client names his critic Sharon and learns to tell her to be quiet when she starts in on him. Turning the voice into a cartoon drains the weight out of it. Once it sounds silly, it is easier to notice and easier to answer.
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6
HourLife takeaway
You can't clear every trigger out of your life, so decide your next move before it shows up.
Robbins treats a stubborn habit as a trigger followed by a repeated response, often with a lot of feeling attached. Triggers are everywhere, so avoiding them is not a plan. An if-then plan, worked out in advance, gives you a different response to reach for.
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7
HourLife takeaway
Treat the person you love at least as well as you treat your best friends.
One guest has deep friendships but has struggled in romance all her life, and realises she gives her friends far more warmth than her partners. Robbins's advice is to bring your best-friend self into the relationship: cheer for them, ask about their life, and assume good intent before you react.
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8
HourLife takeaway
Hiding how you feel to keep the peace is a quiet way of controlling other people.
In the session with a man frozen by what others think, Robbins argues that staying silent to avoid conflict is not kindness. It decides for other people what they can handle, and it keeps them from the real you. Saying it honestly leaves their reaction where it belongs, with them.
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9
HourLife takeaway
You don't think your way to a passion; you notice what gives you energy.
For guests who don't know what they want, Robbins says purpose rarely arrives as a sudden insight. Follow your curiosity, try things, and pay attention to what has always come easily or left you more awake. Direction comes out of doing, not out of waiting to feel sure.
Chapter 03
Put it to work
Your action book
Do the setup steps once, then keep the habits going. The setup changes your week; the habits keep it changed after the first good one.
The download puts this whole reading and a printable action book in one PDF: the setup checklist, then a page of real calendar days for each habit, starting on the day you choose.
Set up once
Write the complaint, then the real issue
Write the problem you keep bringing up in one sentence. Underneath it, write what it protects you from or what stress it relieves. That second line is what you actually work on.
Map one habit's triggers for three days
Each time the habit shows up, note the time, the place, who you were with and what you were feeling. By day three, one trigger will stand out.
Title your old and new chapters
Give the pattern you are leaving a short title, and the life you are moving into another. Put the new chapter's title somewhere you see every morning.
Name your inner critic
Pick a name and a silly voice for the critic in your head. The next time it starts, say the name and tell it to be quiet.
Time travel two years ahead
Write half a page about your life two years from now in detail. List three things you do differently in it, and start the easiest one today.
Keep it up
Run your if-then plan every time
Write one plan in the form: if this trigger happens, then I will do this instead. Follow it whenever the trigger shows up, and tick a box each time you do.
Cheer for one person a day
Send one message a day that is only about the other person: a congratulation, a question about their week, a thank-you. Ask nothing back.
Assume good intent before you react
When someone lets you down, pause and write the kindest likely reason before you reply. Then decide whether you still need to say anything.
Chapter 04
The last word
Before you go
Pick one step from the action book and do it today. An idea from a book starts to count once it changes what one ordinary day looks like.
The problem you walk in with is rarely the one holding you back. Find the real one, own it, and start the next chapter today.
That is the end of our reading. Where to go from here, or go back to the full Kick Ass with Mel Robbins: Life-Changing Advice from the Author of “The 5 Second Rule” page.
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