Gad Saad2026Broadside Books
Dying to Be Kind
Gad Saad's argument, in our words: empathy is a good instrument that can be turned up too high or pointed the wrong way, and then kindness starts to cost the one who offers it. This page sets out his case as his, notes where critics push back, and gives you a tool for checking a kindness of your own.
The core idea
Gad Saad is a Lebanese-born Canadian behavioural scientist who teaches marketing at Concordia University in Montreal and applies evolutionary psychology to human behaviour. In this follow-up to The Parasitic Mind, he argues that empathy is a valuable trait that does harm when it fires too strongly, at the wrong target, or without reason to check it. His name for that failure is suicidal empathy: compassion that ends up hurting the person or the society that shows it. Where his earlier book described bad ideas hijacking how people think, this one describes them hijacking how people feel. He applies the idea to political debates such as immigration, crime, homelessness and gender policy, mostly through news stories and his own experience. The book is a polemic, and many reviewers, including some who share his politics, dispute his examples and his conclusions.
Saad's starting point is uncontroversial. Empathy, he says, is what you want in a social species, as long as it stays within a sensible range. The argument begins when he asks what happens outside that range. In his account, a kindness can feel right and still leave the giver, or the people around them, worse off.
He then turns that test on public life, and this is where readers split. Supporters find a name for something they had noticed. Critics, including reviewers in Quillette and The Bulwark, say he stretches one idea over too many issues and picks the examples that fit. We set out his case as his, in our own words, and leave the politics to you.
01
Sharing what another person feels. Saad treats it as valuable and fast, and as the part most easily set off by a vivid story.
02
Modelling what another person actually thinks and wants, which psychologists call theory of mind. He argues people skip it and assume others share their values.
03
Checking the feeling against evidence and consequences before acting on it. This is the remedy the book points to: not less empathy, but empathy that answers to reason.
Interactive · the kindness calibrator
Saad writes mostly about politics. His test works best close to home. Pick one kindness you are weighing: a loan, a favour, a place to stay, another chance. Say how much you want to do it, then run seven checks. The calibrator compares your pull with your reasons and suggests how to adjust the offer.
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Reading
Your kindness, weighed.
Answer the pull and all seven checks to get a reading.
HourLife's tool, built on the book's idea of empathy kept in range. The checks and suggestions are ours, not the author's. It is not financial, legal or mental health advice. If you, or someone you are trying to help, are in danger, call your local emergency number.
Concept anatomy
Our sketch of the sequence the book describes. A feeling is set off and acted on, and the step where reason should test it is skipped. The cost turns up later, often on someone who was not in the picture.
A vivid case of suffering, close up and easy to picture.
Emotional empathy fires, quickly and sincerely.
No one asks what the person really thinks, what the evidence says, or who else is affected.
Where it goes wrongA personal decision, or in his political chapters a rule or policy.
It lands on the giver or on third parties, and the feeling hides it.
In interviews about the book, Saad describes empathy going wrong when it fires too strongly, or when it is aimed at the wrong person or situation.
Points made in reviews of the book, in our words. We list them so you can weigh the argument, not to settle it.
Community insights
01HourLife takeaway
He describes empathy as an evolved capacity that serves a social species well within a sensible range. The trouble he names is empathy that has come loose from that range. The word suicidal in the title is a metaphor for kindness that harms the one who offers it.
02HourLife takeaway
The test he applies is about outcomes: does the kind act leave the giver, or the group, worse off? A feeling can be sincere and still lead to a choice that backfires. You do not need to share his politics to find that distinction useful in your own life.
03HourLife takeaway
In the earlier book Saad called certain ideas parasites that disable clear thinking. Here he turns to the emotional side and argues that a strong moral feeling can switch off the questions a person would normally ask. Both books share one aim: to put evidence and reason back in charge.
04HourLife takeaway
He separates the emotional side of empathy from the cognitive side, which psychologists tie to theory of mind: the ability to model what is in someone else's head. His claim is that people often assume others share their own values and fears. He calls the failure to model a different culture's values a missing cultural theory of mind.
05HourLife takeaway
Saad returns again and again to the gap between how a choice feels to support and what it does once it is in place. He argues that public policy is often defended by the warmth of its intentions. The same gap shows up in private life, in the loan that is never repaid or the favour that becomes a duty.
06HourLife takeaway
Many of his examples ask who pays when compassion for one group becomes a rule: neighbours, victims of crime, or the next generation. Critics reply that he picks the cases that suit his conclusion and that the costs he names are contested. Asking who is missing from the frame is still a useful habit for any decision.
07HourLife takeaway
In his account, being seen as the victim draws sympathy, so debates turn into contests over who holds that position. He applies this to arguments about crime, migration and gender. His critics note that people on every side of politics make the same move.
08HourLife takeaway
He argues that the safety and freedoms many readers take for granted are recent and fragile. That history explains the urgency of his tone. Reviewers who disagree with him say the same fear leads him to overstate the threats he describes.
09HourLife takeaway
Saad's alternative is calibration: keep the feeling, then check it against evidence, consequences and everyone the choice affects. That check works on small, personal decisions as well as public ones. It is also the part of the book that readers on different sides are most likely to share.
Action steps
Pick one ongoing commitment, such as a loan, a favour or a role you keep covering. On one page, write what it costs you each month and what it actually does for the other person.
Take one decision you face this week and list everyone it affects, not only the person asking. Put a star next to anyone you had not been picturing.
Decide now how much money, time or how many second chances you can offer a friend or relative without resentment. Write the number down so the choice is made while you are calm.
Before you settle on what you think of this book, read one critical review and one favourable one. Write down the strongest point each makes.
Pick a public issue you feel strongly about. Write one sentence on what you feel, one on what you believe the evidence shows, and one on where you would check it.
When someone asks for a large favour, money or a place to stay, say you will answer tomorrow. Decide after the feeling has settled, using the checks above.
Before you repeat a kindness, picture doing it ten more times. If the other person would be worse off by then, change what you offer.
On the first of the month, look back at one kindness you offered. Note whether it helped, and keep, shrink or stop it on that basis.
Before you post or forward something on a heated issue, write the best case for the other side in one sentence. Share only if you still think it is worth it.
Keep the warmth, and let reason decide where it goes.HourLife note after Gad Saad
Pick setup actions and daily habits from Suicidal Empathy: Dying to Be Kind, choose a start date, and download a printable checklist with real calendar pages.
Gad Saad is a Lebanese-born Canadian behavioural scientist who teaches marketing at Concordia University in Montreal and applies evolutionary psychology to human behaviour. In this follow-up to The Parasitic Mind, he argues that empathy is a valuable trait that does harm when it fires too strongly, at the wrong target, or without reason to check it. His name for that failure is suicidal empathy: compassion that...
HourLife’s key takeaways include: Saad is not against empathy; his case is that it fails the way any good trait fails, by running too hot or aiming at the wrong target. Suicidal empathy is his name for compassion that ends up damaging the person or the society that shows it. The book is a sequel to The Parasitic Mind: there, bad ideas hijack reasoning; here, they hijack feeling.
It's a strong pick for readers exploring Become Hard To Manipulate and Decision Making. HourLife distills its core idea into key insights and practical actions worth trying.
Write down one kindness that costs you — Pick one ongoing commitment, such as a loan, a favour or a role you keep covering. On one page, write what it costs you each month and what it actually does for the other person.
About five minutes. The HourLife summary distills Suicidal Empathy: Dying to Be Kind into its core idea, 9 community insights, and 9 practical actions you can apply right away.
One idea from one book and one small habit from another, every week or once a month, on the day and around the hour you pick, where you are. Nothing else, and one link stops it.
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