Misha Brown

“You already know how to be a great friend. The whole trick is turning it around and pointing it at yourself.”

The book's premise, and the reason the title is an instruction rather than a slogan.

“Self-reflection first. You cannot affirm your way past a pattern you have not looked at.”

The first S, and the reason the method is in that order rather than starting with the affirmations.

“An affirmation is not a wish. It is deciding what your default sentence about yourself is going to be.”

The A, read as a practice of repetition rather than of belief.

“A boundary does not need a reason attached. 'No' is a full sentence and an explanation is a courtesy, not a fee.”

Standing your ground — the part of the book most readers came for.

“Stop apologising for the space you take up. Sorry, used as punctuation, teaches people you are an inconvenience.”

Brown's most repeated correction, and the easiest one to catch yourself doing.

“Sculpting is the part nobody skips to. Bold steps come after the other three, because you cannot build on a bad foundation.”

The final S, and why the method's order matters more than any single step.

“He is funny about it and serious underneath. The sass is the delivery; the accountability is the content.”

Part memoir, part guide — the humour is what makes the demands land.

“Six million people follow him for the version of this that fits in sixty seconds. The book is the long form of the same argument.”

Where it comes from: the Lessons in Not Crossing a Gay Man series, expanded into 256 pages.