It's OK That You're Not OK

“Grief is not a problem to solve.”

Devine challenges the cultural demand that grieving people perform recovery for everyone else.

“Witness beats fixing.”

The most humane response is often to say the loss is real and stay present.

“Comfort can become pressure.”

Silver linings and comparisons can make the grieving person manage other people's discomfort.

“Practical care matters.”

Food, errands, calls, childcare, and logistics can help more than abstract encouragement.

“Pain needs time without deadlines.”

Grief changes shape, but it does not obey social calendars.

“Remembering is support.”

Saying the name and recalling the person can be more healing than avoiding the topic.

“Return after the first wave.”

Many people disappear after the funeral; steady check-ins matter later.