The Self-Esteem Workbook: Summary
Glenn Schiraldi, who has taught stress management and resilience at the University of Maryland, treats self-esteem as a set of skills to practise rather than a feeling to wait for. He builds it on three blocks, unconditional human worth, unconditional love, and growth, and argues that worth is a given, not something earned by performance, looks or approval. The workbook turns that into short daily exercises for replacing harsh self-talk, acknowledging strengths and imperfections honestly, and caring for body and mind.
- Glenn R. Schiraldi
- 2001
- 8 min read
- 8 key takeaways
- 8 ways to apply it
Key takeaways from The Self-Esteem Workbook
The ideas readers on HourLife upvote the most, in order.
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1
Self-esteem is a realistic, appreciative opinion of yourself, not a high one.
Schiraldi's definition has two halves and both matter. Realistic means you see your flaws as clearly as your strengths; appreciative means you are glad to be you anyway. Neither inflating nor shrinking yourself is the goal.
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2
Worth as a person is infinite, equal, and not up for comparison.
The workbook teaches Claudia Howard's laws of human worth: everyone has the same worth, it does not have to be earned, and it is never in jeopardy. Comparison has nothing to measure. Read the laws aloud when you catch yourself ranking.
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3
Externals change your market value, not your human worth.
Money, looks, status, skills and mistakes change what the world will pay for you or how well things go, and that is real. They do not add to or take away from the core of who you are. Keep the two ledgers separate.
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4
Worth is the foundation; love and growth build on it.
The three building blocks run in order. Growth that starts without a sense of worth turns into proving yourself, and every failure becomes a verdict. Start with worth, add love, and growth becomes something you can enjoy.
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5
"Nevertheless" lets you admit a flaw without sliding into shame.
"I lost my temper today; nevertheless, I am a worthwhile person." The flaw is acknowledged, not argued away, and it is kept from becoming a judgement of the whole person. Practise it out loud until it comes on its own.
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6
Harsh self-talk follows predictable distortions, and you can catch them.
All-or-nothing thinking, labelling, overgeneralising, discounting the positive: they show up again and again. Learn their names, catch one a day, and write a fairer sentence in its place.
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7
Healthy self-esteem is not arrogance, which needs to feel above other people.
Arrogance and narcissism compare and compete because they are not secure. Real self-esteem is quiet; it has nothing to prove and no need to put anyone else down. Humility and self-respect sit together.
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8
Growth is a direction you choose, not a test you must pass first.
Once worth is settled, growing is about becoming more of who you can be, for the pleasure of it. Choose one small way to grow this week, and let falling short be information rather than evidence against you.
How to apply The Self-Esteem Workbook
Turn the ideas into something you can do this week.
Copy the laws of worth
Write the five laws of human worth on an index card and keep it where you will read it every morning for a week.
List ten true strengths
Write down ten qualities you have, even in small measure, with one recent example of each. Small and specific counts.
Start a nevertheless list
Write three flaws or mistakes that bother you, and finish each with "nevertheless, I am a worthwhile person".
Make a distortion sheet
Make a two-column sheet: the harsh thought on the left, the distortion's name and a fairer sentence on the right. Keep it near your journal.
Set a daily practice time
Choose a regular ten to twenty-minute slot for the workbook's exercises, and put it in your calendar as a repeating event.
Say one nevertheless a day
When you notice a mistake or a flaw, say it plainly, add "nevertheless", and finish the sentence about your worth.
Write three appreciations
Each evening, note three things you did, enjoyed, or appreciated about yourself today.
Thank your body once a week
Once a week, take five minutes to notice what your body did for you, and do one thing that cares for it.
You are not a project that has to be finished before it counts. You count now, and you keep growing anyway.
