The reader's edition
We're Pregnant!: The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook: the summary
Adrian Kulp is a father of three and the writer behind the Dad or Alive blog. This handbook, published by Rockridge Press in 2018, is for first-time fathers who want to be useful during the pregnancy instead of watching from the side. It follows the pregnancy one month at a time across the three trimesters, saying what is happening with the baby and with mom, and which milestones are coming up. Along the way it covers questions to ask at appointments, building a birth plan, money, and keeping the relationship strong with shared goals such as a pregnancy announcement or a trip before the baby arrives. Checklists for each trimester, the hospital bag and the baby registry sit beside a section on the fourth trimester, the first months at home. The tone is light and practical, drawn from Kulp's own years as a once clueless dad. Read a chapter at a time, with a printable action book at the end.
- Adrian Kulp
- 2018
- 4 chapters
- 5 min read
- 9 takeaways
This is HourLife's reading of We're Pregnant!: The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook, in our own words. It is not a substitute for the book.
Chapter 01
Before you start
The book in a minute
Tap a paragraph to highlight it. Turn pages with the arrows, the arrow keys, or a swipe.
Adrian Kulp is a father of three and the writer behind the Dad or Alive blog. This handbook, published by Rockridge Press in 2018, is for first-time fathers who want to be useful during the pregnancy instead of watching from the side. It follows the pregnancy one month at a time across the three trimesters, saying what is happening with the baby and with mom, and which milestones are coming up. Along the way it covers questions to ask at appointments, building a birth plan, money, and keeping the relationship strong with shared goals such as a pregnancy announcement or a trip before the baby arrives. Checklists for each trimester, the hospital bag and the baby registry sit beside a section on the fourth trimester, the first months at home. The tone is light and practical, drawn from Kulp's own years as a once clueless dad.
Below are the 9 ideas HourLife readers vote up most, each in our words with a note on what it asks of you, and then the steps that put them to work.
Chapter 02
What readers keep
The takeaways
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1
HourLife takeaway
Pregnancy is something you do together, even though only one of you carries the baby.
The title is the argument. Kulp writes for the dad who wants to be a teammate, not a spectator. He asks partners to show up for the appointments, the chores and the planning now, rather than waiting for the birth to start being a father.
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2
HourLife takeaway
Take it one month at a time and you always know what the next job is.
The book is laid out month by month inside each trimester. Each stop says what is going on with the baby and with mom, and what is coming next. Forty weeks is too long to hold in your head, but one month is not.
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3
HourLife takeaway
Go to the appointments, and bring your own questions.
Kulp gives dads questions to ask the doctor, because sitting in the corner of the room teaches you very little. Asking makes you part of the care team's conversation, and it takes some of the remembering off your partner.
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4
HourLife takeaway
Her body is doing the hard part, so your job is to take weight off everything else.
The practical support is ordinary: cooking, errands, chores, and getting the house ready. None of it is heroic. Done every week, it is what makes a partner feel looked after.
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5
HourLife takeaway
Plan things to look forward to, not only things to get ready for.
The book suggests shared goals for the two of you, such as how you will announce the news or a relaxing trip before the baby comes. A pregnancy can turn into one long to-do list. A few good plans keep it feeling like something you are building together.
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6
HourLife takeaway
Write the birth plan together, then hold it loosely.
Kulp walks dads through helping to design a birth plan. Knowing what she wants lets you speak up for her when she is busy with labour. Births rarely go exactly to plan, and the midwife or doctor makes the safety calls on the day.
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7
HourLife takeaway
A checklist done early is a panic you never have.
The book carries checklists for each trimester, the hospital bag and the baby registry. Working through them in the quieter months means the last weeks are about her, not about hunting for the car seat.
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8
HourLife takeaway
The job does not end at the delivery room.
Kulp covers the fourth trimester, the first months at home, as part of the same story. Feeding, sleep, bonding with the baby and caring for a partner who is still recovering all happen in those weeks, and a dad who prepared for them is far more use.
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9
HourLife takeaway
A calm dad who shows up beats a perfect one who panics.
Much of the book is told with humour, from cravings to his own clumsy moments as a first-time father. The point under the jokes is that you will not know everything, and you don't need to. Turning up, asking and laughing at yourself goes a long way.
Chapter 03
Put it to work
Your action book
Do the setup steps once, then keep the habits going. The setup changes your week; the habits keep it changed after the first good one.
The download puts this whole reading and a printable action book in one PDF: the setup checklist, then a page of real calendar days for each habit, starting on the day you choose.
Set up once
Put every appointment in your calendar
Ask your partner for the dates of her upcoming prenatal appointments and scans. Add them to your own calendar with an alert the day before, and clear your work diary for the ones you can make.
Start a shared question list
Make one note on both your phones called Questions for the midwife or doctor. Add to it whenever something comes up, and bring it to the next appointment.
Plan one thing to look forward to
Pick one shared goal for the next month: how you will tell family, a weekend away, or a nursery you build together. Put a date on it.
Draft the birth plan together
Sit down for half an hour and write what matters most to her on the day: who is there, pain relief preferences, what you should speak up about. Take it to the midwife or doctor to talk through.
Pack the bag and fit the car seat early
Several weeks before the due date, pack the hospital bag with her and fit the car seat in the car. Practise taking it in and out once, so the first time is not at the hospital door.
Keep it up
Read the month ahead together
At the start of each month, spend ten minutes together going over what is coming up: appointments, changes she may feel, and the jobs on your list.
Take one job off her list every day
Each evening, do one thing she would otherwise have done: a meal, a shop, the laundry, a phone call. Don't wait to be asked.
Ask how she is, then listen
Once a week, ask how she is feeling about the pregnancy, not only her body. Listen to the end before you offer to fix anything.
Chapter 04
The last word
Before you go
Pick one step from the action book and do it today. An idea from a book starts to count once it changes what one ordinary day looks like.
You can't carry the baby. You can carry nearly everything else.
That is the end of our reading. Where to go from here, or go back to the full We're Pregnant!: The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook page.
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