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Communication · a life skill

Asking Better Questions

name the problem, then ask how much

“What can you tell me about it?” sounds like the best question there is. When the other person has something they'd rather not mention, it's one of the worst, because it lets them choose what to talk about. In four studies, the question that brought problems out named the problem and asked about it as if it were already there. Here's how to ask that way without sounding like an interrogator.

  • Easy
  • High impact
  • Learn it: 1 week
  • One worry per question
three ways to ask the seller
Sellers mentioned a fault far more often when the buyer's question presumed there was one People selling a used iPod that had frozen twice were asked one of three questions by a buyer in an online chat. Asked “What can you tell me about it?”, 8 in 100 mentioned the freezes and 93 in 100 praised a feature. Asked “It doesn't have any problems, does it?”, 61 in 100 mentioned the freezes and 33 praised a feature. Asked “What problems does it have?”, 89 in 100 mentioned the freezes and 23 praised a feature. AN IPOD THAT HAD FROZEN TWICE · EACH SQUARE, 1 IN 100 SELLERS “What can you tell me about it?” OPEN 8 in 100 mentioned the freezes 93 praised a feature “It doesn't have any problems, does it?” HOPEFUL 61 in 100 mentioned the freezes 33 praised a feature “What problems does it have?” PRESUMING 89 in 100 mentioned the freezes 23 praised a feature

Study 3 of Minson, VanEpps, Yip & Schweitzer (2018): 219 people selling an iPod they knew had frozen twice, to a scripted buyer in an online chat. The three questions are the study's own words.

The method

Explore openly, then name the worry.

  1. Start open, to explore

    To learn what matters to someone, “What made you choose that?” still beats a yes-or-no question. Open questions are for finding out what's there.

  2. Name the thing you need to know

    When there's one specific worry, say it: the brakes, the damp, the deadline. A question that doesn't name it leaves them free to talk about the good parts.

  3. Ask what or how much, not whether

    “What's been replaced?” can't be answered with “no”. “Has anything been replaced?” can.

  4. Say why you'd expect it

    “Bikes this age usually need…” shows you know what to look for. In the research, that impression is part of why people answered honestly.

  5. Drop the tag, then wait

    “…, right?” and “…, does it?” tell them the answer you'd like. Leave them off, ask, and let the silence do some work.

    Explore openly, name it, ask how much, say why, wait.

Example: Priya is buying a seven-year-old road bike. Instead of “The brakes are fine, right?”, they ask: “Bikes this age usually need brakes or a chain by now. What's been replaced, and what's next?” The seller mentions a worn chain, and the price comes down to cover it.

The question rewriter

Rewrite the question you were going to ask.

1 · Pick a moment

2 · The worry

3 · Your question

4 · How it lands

You ask0 words

Your question goes here.

  1. Open8 in 100 mentioned it
  2. Hopeful61 in 100 mentioned it
  3. Presuming89 in 100 mentioned it

    The checks are our own rules of thumb, built on the research, not a test from it. They look for a few words and patterns; they can't tell whether the worry is the right one.

    When the problem is rare Presume only what's common. In the fourth study, presuming a rare habit made the asker seem colder and less able, and brought out no more admissions. For unlikely problems, ask openly.

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    The research behind it

    The open question let the bad news slip by.

    Julia Minson, Eric VanEpps, Jeremy Yip and Maurice Schweitzer ran four studies on one question: when someone has a reason to keep a problem quiet, which wording gets them to mention it? They compared three kinds. A General question asks openly (“What can you tell me about it?”). A Positive Assumption question hopes for the best (“It doesn't have any problems, does it?”). A Negative Assumption question presumes the problem and asks about it (“What problems does it have?”). On this page they're open, hopeful and presuming.

    In the first study, 900 people online imagined an internship interview and were asked about a habit such as using work time for personal email. Nobody admitted it to the open question; 18.8% did to the hopeful one and 28.0% to the presuming one. In the second, 101 people played hiring managers face to face, with a bonus if the candidate accepted, at a firm with a history of complaints. Asked openly about the culture, 12.1% mentioned the complaints. Asked to confirm there had been none, 39.4% did. Asked how many there had been, every one of them did.

    The open question wasn't neutral, either: it gave people room to talk about something else. In the iPod chat, 93.2% of sellers asked openly mentioned a good feature, against 23.3% of those asked what problems it had. Sellers rated a buyer who named problems as more knowledgeable, and one who presumed them as more assertive, and both impressions went with more honest answers.

    Share of people who mentioned the problem, by kind of question. Study 1: 0, 18.8 and 28.0 percent. Study 2: 12.1, 39.4 and 100 percent. Study 3: 8.1, 61.1 and 89.0 percent, for open, hopeful and presuming questions. MENTIONED THE PROBLEM, % OF PEOPLE 0% 50% 100% 28 100 89 OpenHopefulPresuming Study 1, online Study 2, in person Study 3, by chat
    Each line is one study; in all three, the presuming question drew out the most. Minson, VanEpps, Yip & Schweitzer (2018), Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, Studies 1 to 3.

    Presuming has a price, and the fourth study measured it. 500 people online imagined the same interview, and were asked either about a common habit (personal email at work) or a rare one (online gaming at work). Then they rated the interviewer's warmth and competence.

    For the common habit, presuming cost a little: the interviewer was rated 4.30 against 4.85 for the open question, and got 29.7% to admit it, against 6.8% for the hopeful version. For the rare habit, both pointed questions cost more, 4.04 and 3.77, and gained nothing, because hardly anyone had it to admit (1.0% and 1.9%).

    So the advice is narrower than “always presume the worst”. Presume what's common in the situation: worn brakes on an old bike, damp in an old flat, a snag in a big project. Ask openly about the rest. These were role plays and short online scenarios, with students and paid survey takers; how big the effects are in a real sale or a real interview will vary.

    How warm and competent the interviewer seemed, and how many admitted the habit. Open question: 4.85, 1.1 percent admitted. Hopeful about a common habit: 4.63, 6.8 percent. Presuming a common habit: 4.30, 29.7 percent. Hopeful about a rare habit: 4.04, 1.0 percent. Presuming a rare habit: 3.77, 1.9 percent. HOW THE INTERVIEWER CAME ACROSS ADMITTED Open question 4.85 1.1% Hopeful, common habit 4.63 6.8% Presuming, common habit 4.30 29.7% Hopeful, rare habit 4.04 1.0% Presuming, rare habit 3.77 1.9% 3.5 4.0 4.5 5.0 colder, less able warmer, more able
    Mean ratings from Table 3 of Minson et al. (2018), Study 4, on part of the scale. “Admitted” is the share who owned up to the habit; for the open question it counts either habit.

    The idea

    Why it works.

    A question tells the other person what you already know and which answer you expect. “What can you tell me about it?” says you don't know where to look, so they can show you the good side. “It's fine, isn't it?” says you'd like a no. “What problems has it had?” says you know there usually are some, which makes leaving them out a risk.

    Open questions still have their place. To learn what someone cares about, or to hear a story, they're the right tool. The change is for the moment you need to hear about one specific problem: name it, and ask how much.

    When it goes wrong

    Habits that help.

    • Explore first, then point. Start open to see what's there; save the presuming question for the one thing you need to know.
    • Say why you'd expect it. “Bikes this age usually…” makes the question sound informed rather than suspicious.
    • Presume the thing, not the person. “What's gone wrong with it?” is fair. “What are you hiding?” makes them defend themselves instead of answering.
    • Ask, then wait. Adding “…or not, it's fine” turns it straight back into a hopeful question.

    Go deeper

    Keep going.

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