Stay curious a little longer, and rush to action and advice a little more slowly.
The whole book in one instruction. Not never advise — advise later, after the question has done its work, when you actually know what you are advising on.
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The Coaching Habit
8 memorable lines from The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier, each with the idea behind it.
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Lines labelled “HourLife takeaway” are our wording of the book’s ideas and may paraphrase it. Only lines in quotation marks are the author’s own words, with where they appear. Check the book for exact wording before you quote it. Spot an error?
The first challenge someone names is almost never the real challenge.
Which is why so much well-meant help solves the wrong problem beautifully. The Focus Question exists to buy the thirty seconds in which the real one surfaces.
And what else?” is the best coaching question in the world. Ask it three times before you let it go.
The first answer is the rehearsed one, the second is the tidy one, and the third is usually the one worth talking about. Stanier's guideline is at least three, rarely more than five.
Giving advice feels like leadership and quietly manufactures dependence.
His Advice Monster comes in three flavours — Tell-it wants to be the clever one, Save-it wants to rescue, Control-it cannot bear to let go. All three end with the work back on your desk.
Cut the preamble. Ask one question, then stop talking.
Framing, softening and stacking a second question on the first are all ways of rescuing yourself from the silence. The silence is where the thinking happens.
Never start a question with “why”. Why asks for a defence; what asks for information.
“Why did you do that?” gets you a justification and a slightly colder room. “What were you hoping would happen?” gets you the actual reasoning.
Coaching for performance is about today’s fire. Coaching for development is about the person who keeps lighting it.
Most managers only ever do the first. The Learning Question at the end of a conversation is the cheapest way to start doing the second.
A habit needs a trigger, a version small enough that you cannot talk yourself out of it, and a plan for the day you forget.
His New Habit Formula: when this happens, instead of the old move, I will do this specific small thing. Vague intentions to “ask more questions” survive about a week.
Keep this going in the app.
HourLife turns these ideas into a daily system — goals, habits, focus, and reflection in one private place.
