A small favour barely gets weighed, so almost any reason will do. A bigger one does get weighed: the other person puts what it costs them against the reasons you've given. Make that easy. Say the price honestly, and give a reason with something in it.
Moderate to start
High impact
Learn it: 2-4 weeks
For favours that take real time
what they weigh before they say yes
The seesaw is a picture, not a measurement. The point under it comes from a 1978 study at a university copier, shown further down: for a big favour, only a reason with content helped.
The habit
Try it now.
Name the ask
One thing, as a question: “Could you review the launch email?” Lead with it, not the backstory, so they know what they're weighing.
Price it honestly
What it will cost them in time, and by when. Rounding thirty minutes down to “a quick look” wins this yes and costs you the next one.
Give the real reason
What happens if it gets done, or doesn't: “It goes out Friday afternoon.” “Because I need it” restates the ask; it sounds like a reason without saying anything.
Say why them
One line: you wrote the last one, you know the client. It tells them they aren't a random pick, and what they bring.
Offer a smaller way, then let them weigh it
A lighter version or a later time they could say yes to instead. Then stop talking, and let them decide.
If they say no to both, ask once what would make it work. If nothing would, thank them and take it elsewhere.
When to break the rule: for a tiny favour, skip all this. Passing the salt doesn't need a reason, and a long one makes a small ask sound bigger than it is.
Weigh your ask
Put your request on the scale before you send it.
Fill in the parts, or start from an example. The scale tips with what you've given them, and the checks catch a missing price, a reason that only restates the ask, or a big favour with no smaller way to say yes.
Start from an example
The cost against what you've given them
What you'll send
Before you send it
Nothing you type is saved or sent anywhere. The scale is a rough picture, not a score: it counts what you've included, not how good it is.
The study behind it
For a big favour, only a real reason helped.
In 1978 Ellen Langer, Arthur Blank and Benzion Chanowitz sent a researcher to a copier at the City University of New York's Graduate Center. As each of 120 people was about to make copies, she asked to go first. She had either 5 pages, a small favour, or 20, a big one.
She asked in one of three ways: just the request; a “placebo” reason that said nothing new, “because I have to make copies”; or a real one, “because I'm in a rush”.
With 5 pages, any reason worked: about 93% let her go first, placebo or not, against 60% for the bare request. With 20 pages, the placebo did nothing. It got the same 24% as asking with no reason, while the real reason got 42%.
Read it as a direction, not a law. The groups were 15 to 25 people, the 20-page gap fell just short of the usual test of significance, and a later replication found only part of the effect. But the pattern fits ordinary experience: a small favour gets waved through, and a big one gets weighed.
Share who agreed in each group. Langer, Blank and Chanowitz, “The mindlessness of ostensibly thoughtful action”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1978, Experiment 1, Table 1.
The idea
Why it works.
A big favour gets weighed. The other person puts what it costs them against what you've told them, and the price is half of that sum. Leave it out and they have to guess, and a guess can go either way: too low, and they resent it later; too high, and they say no.
A real reason gives them something to hold. Why them makes the ask about something they bring, not just their free time. A smaller way out lets them say a partial yes instead of a full no. None of it is a trick: it's the information they need to decide.
When it goes wrong
Habits that help.
Lead with the ask. Three sentences of backstory before the question leave them bracing for something worse than it is.
Don't round the cost down. “Quick look” for an hour's work buys one yes. People remember what the favour actually took.
One reason, not five. Pick the one that matters most. A list of reasons starts to sound like an argument they have to win.
Give the deadline that's true. A fake “by tomorrow” gets found out, and after that your real deadlines get discounted.
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