Separate the people from the problem.
The book's most humane move is also its most practical: protect the relationship from becoming collateral damage while you get sharper about the issue.
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William Ury
The most-loved lines from William Ury, drawn from 1 book in the library.
Lines labelled “HourLife takeaway” are our wording of the book’s ideas and may paraphrase it. Only lines in quotation marks are the author’s own words, with where they appear. Check the book for exact wording before you quote it. Spot an error?
Focus on interests, not positions.
Positions sound clear, but they are usually locked doors. Interests reveal the rooms behind them, where new agreements can actually be designed.
Invent options for mutual gain.
Before deciding who gives up what, widen the table. A single proposal invites attack; a menu invites collaboration.
Insist on using objective criteria.
Fair standards let both sides save face. The question changes from 'Who is stronger?' to 'What would be fair here?'
Know your BATNA before you negotiate.
Your best alternative protects you from desperate yeses. It gives calm weight to your choices without needing threats.
A wise agreement improves both the substance and the relationship.
The best deal is not just accepted today. It is durable enough that both people can live with it tomorrow.
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